How to eat cookies correctly

We can probably all agree on one thing: Cookies are great. I will admit that brownies are pretty great, too, but few baked goods manage to combine tastiness and versatility like a cookie does. Cookies are clearly the superior guilty pleasure, compared to pretty much everything else.

Unfortunately, far too many people are dangerously under-educated about how to eat cookies correctly. And since I just can’t stand for this any longer, here is what you can do to make sure that you eat cookies correctly.

1. Get the setting right.

What, you were just going to grab a handful of cookies and cram them into your pie hole? Why don’t you just stuff a fistful of sugar in there, if all you wanted was that quick dopamine high. No, to eat cookies correctly, you need the right setting. Make sure you can give the cookie the attention it deserves. Put it on your favorite plate, sit down in your favorite chair and avoid anything that could distract you from the explosion of goodness that you are about to experience. Me, I like to sit on the terrace and enjoy a calm sea breeze to fully appreciate my cookie.

2. Have the right supplements.

Now, you might think that a great cookie can stand by itself. You are correct, it can – in the same way that bread can be perfectly fine without butter. But we want to do things correctly here, and what is butter to the bread is milk to the cookie. Or hot chocolate, if you want to be decadent. If you feel cheeky, add some honey. In these crazy times, feel free to be a bit crazy with your supplements, too – for example, rum or red wine works really well with hot chocolate, and it will create a great contrast to the sweetness of the cookie. The traditional way will always be good old milk, though.

3. Have the right amount.

Nothing ruins a good thing quicker than having too much of it. I get that having only one cookie is probably too much to ask of anyone – we are mere human, after all – but do yourself a favor and avoid stacking your plate with a whole box of cookies. Because otherwise, you may not be able to stop before that nauseating feeling sets in and the magic of cookies will be denied to you for the foreseeable future. For me, the rule of three has proven superior. Three feels less limiting than two but it’s still far from the abomination of greed that would be four.

4. Take your time.

What is the crucial ingredient for an amazing cookie-eating experience? Time. You can have the best setting, supplements and number of cookies in the world, but if you wolf them down like a degenerate then you’ll just ruin everything. Now, whether your way of ‘taking your time’ is fellating every crumb until it dissolves in your mouth, or just being chill enough about it to make sure that cookies and supplements stay in a healthy balance until both are gone is up to you. The point is, this is supposed to be an enjoyable thing, so don’t rush through it like you’re getting timed.